Sunday, December 28, 2008
Alone
I never had any idea how lonely being a mom is! I mean... I have my kids ALL the time, and Ryan is normally around, and I have my mom, dad, and two sisters just down the street, but I feel SO alone. Like nobody gets me, nobody understands what I do and how hard I work, and what I've given up to give my kids a "normal" life! It's just.... i don't know... depressing! Life has just really been kicking my ass lately.......
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Christmas
Oh what a day!! We slept in until 9 and we woke the kids up! We all opened presents and Hudson just wanted to play with his toys... poor thing! Then off to grandma's to open more presents!!
Ryan traded my old car-CD player for a "go-ped" and we all tried it out today, then Ryan wanted to "push it Hard" and he broke it!! Too bad too, because we were all having a really good time with it!
I had my Dr's appointment and I'm NOT dying of cancer, thank God!!! I just have and "hyper thyroid" which still sucks because I have to watch my weight BIG time, but I'm happy with the prognoses if my other choices were Life-threatening!! Oh well... live and Learn I guess!!!
We are going to Fl next week!! I'm excited, I wish Ryan was able to go, but you know how those things go!!!!! Anyways... Well Merry Christmas and a Happy Holidays!!!!!
Ryan traded my old car-CD player for a "go-ped" and we all tried it out today, then Ryan wanted to "push it Hard" and he broke it!! Too bad too, because we were all having a really good time with it!
I had my Dr's appointment and I'm NOT dying of cancer, thank God!!! I just have and "hyper thyroid" which still sucks because I have to watch my weight BIG time, but I'm happy with the prognoses if my other choices were Life-threatening!! Oh well... live and Learn I guess!!!
We are going to Fl next week!! I'm excited, I wish Ryan was able to go, but you know how those things go!!!!! Anyways... Well Merry Christmas and a Happy Holidays!!!!!
Sunday, December 14, 2008
My Dr. appointment
ok.... so i wrote this elaborate story about my doctors appointment the other day, then I decided I'm just really not ready to talk about it.... Just be praying for me in the next few weeks!!!
Thanks... Katelyn!
Thanks... Katelyn!
Monday, December 8, 2008
Doctors...
Andee went to the doctors today for her 4 month check-up! That poor girl is going to have such a hard time when she turns 12... I really messed her up with my hormones... Everything I find that I don't think is right, the doctor just says, oh that's just your hormones still working their way out of her! It's crazy!!! Hudson wanted to get his blood drawn too like Andee, so they pretended to get blood and gave him a bandaid, then he walks out saying, that didn't even hurt!
Mom and Dad came over Saturday and we cleaned the house!! It looks SO good. Ryan was mad that mom and dad came to help me, but it was too much to do on my own, and he deffinately wasn't complaining when the house was finished! Hudson got a fake bottle of chocolate syrup, and said " I'm drinking beer, I'm Ryan Robert and I love beer" It was so funny! I don't know where he gets these things, i mean, it's not like Ryan prances around the house saying "I'm Ryan Robert and I love beer" He never uses his middle name first off, and he never says he LOVES beer! On our way home from MN, he said, "Dad, Heidi has boogers in her nose!" He's just such a hoot!
So i was trying to fix the TV the other day, well i was plugging the DVD playing back into the TV, and I tripped over the cord and hit the entertainment center.. I got a black eye and cut up my hand pretty good!! then, when I landed on the ground the speaker to my stereo fell on my head! That'll teach me to mess with Ryan's TV!!!
I guess that's it for today!!! I have to go look for some college on-line to get started on my teaching degree!!!! Hope I find something!!!
Mom and Dad came over Saturday and we cleaned the house!! It looks SO good. Ryan was mad that mom and dad came to help me, but it was too much to do on my own, and he deffinately wasn't complaining when the house was finished! Hudson got a fake bottle of chocolate syrup, and said " I'm drinking beer, I'm Ryan Robert and I love beer" It was so funny! I don't know where he gets these things, i mean, it's not like Ryan prances around the house saying "I'm Ryan Robert and I love beer" He never uses his middle name first off, and he never says he LOVES beer! On our way home from MN, he said, "Dad, Heidi has boogers in her nose!" He's just such a hoot!
So i was trying to fix the TV the other day, well i was plugging the DVD playing back into the TV, and I tripped over the cord and hit the entertainment center.. I got a black eye and cut up my hand pretty good!! then, when I landed on the ground the speaker to my stereo fell on my head! That'll teach me to mess with Ryan's TV!!!
I guess that's it for today!!! I have to go look for some college on-line to get started on my teaching degree!!!! Hope I find something!!!
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
long time....
So, I'm really bad at remebering to write on here! I'm famous for getting a journal and writing in it for three days and then wanting to write a year later, but i don't want to explain to my journal (as if it's a real person) what all has happened in a year, so I buy a new one and the cycle starts again!
What a week! Ryan, the kids, and I went to MN for Thanksgiving! It was so good to see grandma Lori and Casi! The kids all got along so well, it was fun! Before we left NC, Ryan and I were dog-sitting for Ryan's step-sister. The dog wrapped it's chain around Hudson's legs and made him fall on his head! I saw him fall and I heard his head hit! When i got to him, his pupils were completely dialated and he wasn't crying... I thought he was dead! He ended up getting a mild concussion and his back had really bad cement burns from the dog dragging him!! My poor baby boy!
The actual trip was good! The kids did great in the car and Ryan and I took turns driving. When we got into MN, Ryan was so excited!! He was like... "this is the biggest hill, and over here is a farm, and over there is another farm, and i used to do this, and that on this road..." And after like 20 minutes fo Ryan ranting, he says" Hudson, look over there, we have cows" And Hudson says, "Ok dad! Calm down" It was so funny!! A 2-year-old was like chill out, we have cows in NC too, it's not a big deal!! We laughed about it forever!!! We got to Northfield and really enjoyed seeing everyone.
Ryan and I know it's hard for everyone to be so far away from eachother, but we can't convince ourselves to move! The reality is... I will follow Ryan anywhere, but in MN, i think we would be worse parents! It's just too easy to go out and leave the kids with Lori, or Casi. That might change if we actually lived there, but I still think Ryan and I as parents, would be worse off in MN. However, we're both kind of sick of NC too! It's just so hard to beso far away. Should one of us be happy with our families and the other be miserable? Why not go half way between the two? I don't know... We'll see what happens!
Apparently Ryan and his friend Tony are going to Fl in January... Tony told me, so i'm not exactly sure when Ryan was going to say something! I REALLY don't want him to go, but I can't say "no" And i get so mad when he says stuff like " Tony's girlfriend is letting him go"... That's because Tony's girlfriend doesn't live with him, they don't have kids together, He isn't the ONLY bread-winner for the family!!! I just have this gut feeling something bad is going to happen, but my gut feeling is normally wrong. I'm not sure if it's a I don't have any trust for any man thing, or if I'm just really jelous that he gets to go for a fun guys week to Fl and I have to stay home with the kids. Even if i could get away for a week with the girls, guess who would be with me....THE KIDS!!!! i never get a break! I can't leave the kids with Ryan because he still has to work, but i can't leave them with my family either because they all have to work... It's a no-win situation and it sucks! But Ryan and just go when he wants, and I know he works hard and he deserves it, but y'know... I do too! Whatvever... I'm tired of bitching about it now!
We went out with his friends a few nights and I got drunk.... which i don't think i will ever do again, I puked walking into Perkins at 3am and filled my shoes with pee from pissing my pants! Why do people think that's fun?? We went out two nights later and the smell of beer made me want to puke agian!! YUCK
Hudson and Coltyn were so cute together, they played so well! It was sad to say goodbye, but we were ready to get home, and I'm sure they were ready to get back to their normal lives as well! On the way home Ryan and I made a deal... He proposes, I get my teaching degree, and we can get married! I don't really like that agreement... I want to be married next winter, but i agreed to it anyway...
I think that's about it... I hope to get on here sooner!
What a week! Ryan, the kids, and I went to MN for Thanksgiving! It was so good to see grandma Lori and Casi! The kids all got along so well, it was fun! Before we left NC, Ryan and I were dog-sitting for Ryan's step-sister. The dog wrapped it's chain around Hudson's legs and made him fall on his head! I saw him fall and I heard his head hit! When i got to him, his pupils were completely dialated and he wasn't crying... I thought he was dead! He ended up getting a mild concussion and his back had really bad cement burns from the dog dragging him!! My poor baby boy!
The actual trip was good! The kids did great in the car and Ryan and I took turns driving. When we got into MN, Ryan was so excited!! He was like... "this is the biggest hill, and over here is a farm, and over there is another farm, and i used to do this, and that on this road..." And after like 20 minutes fo Ryan ranting, he says" Hudson, look over there, we have cows" And Hudson says, "Ok dad! Calm down" It was so funny!! A 2-year-old was like chill out, we have cows in NC too, it's not a big deal!! We laughed about it forever!!! We got to Northfield and really enjoyed seeing everyone.
Ryan and I know it's hard for everyone to be so far away from eachother, but we can't convince ourselves to move! The reality is... I will follow Ryan anywhere, but in MN, i think we would be worse parents! It's just too easy to go out and leave the kids with Lori, or Casi. That might change if we actually lived there, but I still think Ryan and I as parents, would be worse off in MN. However, we're both kind of sick of NC too! It's just so hard to beso far away. Should one of us be happy with our families and the other be miserable? Why not go half way between the two? I don't know... We'll see what happens!
Apparently Ryan and his friend Tony are going to Fl in January... Tony told me, so i'm not exactly sure when Ryan was going to say something! I REALLY don't want him to go, but I can't say "no" And i get so mad when he says stuff like " Tony's girlfriend is letting him go"... That's because Tony's girlfriend doesn't live with him, they don't have kids together, He isn't the ONLY bread-winner for the family!!! I just have this gut feeling something bad is going to happen, but my gut feeling is normally wrong. I'm not sure if it's a I don't have any trust for any man thing, or if I'm just really jelous that he gets to go for a fun guys week to Fl and I have to stay home with the kids. Even if i could get away for a week with the girls, guess who would be with me....THE KIDS!!!! i never get a break! I can't leave the kids with Ryan because he still has to work, but i can't leave them with my family either because they all have to work... It's a no-win situation and it sucks! But Ryan and just go when he wants, and I know he works hard and he deserves it, but y'know... I do too! Whatvever... I'm tired of bitching about it now!
We went out with his friends a few nights and I got drunk.... which i don't think i will ever do again, I puked walking into Perkins at 3am and filled my shoes with pee from pissing my pants! Why do people think that's fun?? We went out two nights later and the smell of beer made me want to puke agian!! YUCK
Hudson and Coltyn were so cute together, they played so well! It was sad to say goodbye, but we were ready to get home, and I'm sure they were ready to get back to their normal lives as well! On the way home Ryan and I made a deal... He proposes, I get my teaching degree, and we can get married! I don't really like that agreement... I want to be married next winter, but i agreed to it anyway...
I think that's about it... I hope to get on here sooner!
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